The pain that you feel is at times so overwhelming it’s like a concrete block on your chest.
There’s no point in trying to explain it or rationalize its intensity.
Nobody will understand that feeling when you realize just how little you matter to the world in general, how much you are taken for granted and how, what you need really doesn’t amount to a hill of beans.
How you want to just sit in a corner and cry – quiet, burning intense tears. No drama, no hysteria, just you and your tears.
But you can’t because you have to cope, you have to be the calm one, you have to do and be successful.
You see because in your controlled, ordered life the little things are not allowed to matter. You are supposed to be above caring about whether they remember your special days and moments. You are renowned for your “rhino hide” and your ability to let the mundane go over your head.
But it’s all a show you see, it’s all a farce and some days it matters – like today