A good friend of my husband has been re-diagnosed with colon cancer after being in remission for 2 years. He is an articulate, courageous man bearing a heavy burden ….
I am awake, lying in the dark
Like every night
You see, I don’t have to pretend in the dark
I don’t have to pretend that I’m upbeat and positive and brave
I can let the anger consume me, the anger that the cancer is back …. again
The anger has a companion, unholy fear and they form an omnipotent partnership
I can feel it spreading in my belly, as the enemy invades my body the fear crawls all over my skin like a virus threatening to overwhelm the essence of me
I want to reach inside myself and rip out the darkness, toss it on the rubbish heap and live.
I’m afraid of the way ahead,
What if it doesn’t work?
What if I’m too weak to fight?
What if I lose this war?