There are a great many hypotheses related to ageing – the good, the bad and the ugly.
Tolerance is perhaps one emotion that intrigues me the most. Ostensibly one should become more tolerant with age – more accepting of everyone and everything. Yessss but no! I find my self perhaps less tolerant but in a positive way (stay with me here). Awareness of what and who I’m prepared to have in my life now supercedes any misdirected desire to fit in and follow the rest of the herd, irrespective of the outcome.
I have been called unyielding, hard-arsed and even un-cooperative – nomenclatures I take on board without hesitation.
To know yourself, to know your boundaries, to walk your path within reason – all good!
This is the view from my office window this morning – soggy start!
A week of sloth (some enforced – blackberry outage, grumph) has come to a grinding halt and Pandora’s box is once again happily spouting mayhem.
My loudly proclaimed “me, me, me” diatribe didn’t quite make seven days but it was distinctly therapeutic while it lasted. On Tuesday we had our October “be a tourist in your own town” session. We live within in a reasonable distance from this gem but have never visited, always being under the false impression that it was just a hotel or you just went there for a meal. Not so, Makaranga Lodge’s greatest attraction for us is its gardens. Initially DH was having none of it that we would be allowed to visit willy nilly but I persevered and we moseyed along. Wow, wow and wow – an oasis. They are a hidden paradise of botanical splendor in our urban (albeit green belt) sprawl.
Himself turned another year older this past week (bless, I did suggest a walking stick – won’t tell you the response :O) and we treated ourselves to a meal of splendid indulgence at Aubergine’s in Hillcrest. My favourite place in KZN to dine and they didn’t disappoint – ambience, food and service: the bees knees. They offer a prix fix menu (such a good idea) filled with such lip-smacking goodies as a cheese soufflé, falklands calamari and the chargrilled fillet (amongst many others) – oh my goodness.
The rudiments and about what I remember of high school french – I always wanted to read the damn book, not stand up and flap my jaws!
A slovenly Sunday imbued with sizzling hot sunshine dicated the moment du jour. Entirely selfish yet heavenly couch schlumph with book 4 and 5 of Earths Children. I have been a fan of Jean M Auel since my teens and with book 6 “Land of Painted Caves” having just been published a little re-read was necessary (L.O.P.C. will be my christmas gift to myself). If you have a passion for the ancients coupled with a good yarn, don’t miss this wonderful series.
And then it was Monday – normally the “harbinger of doom” and the start button for a chaotic week ahead. Perhaps because of this dodgy reputation I chose to let the day manifest momentously (can a day manifest momentously – go on then.) For two hours, 120 minutes (DH was at a seminar hence carpe’ diem) I flicked the off switch. No radio, ipod, television, cell phone, laptop or book – my only company was myself.
Contemplative, introspective ……. beginning to fathom this going on retreat malarky. What a humdinger of a day 🙂
I am not, by nature, one to ponder the passing of time. Yet of late I find myself a little more reflective, perhaps even ponderous in my musings. The cliched “watershed moment”, “midlife crisis” etc are not pertinent – it is instead merely a cold, hard realisation of being in my 40’s. Physically sound, well perhaps other than a distince lack of extendable arms which seems to point towards a quirky pair of specs before 2012 (something purple and fabulous – the specs that is).
The maelstrom of my daily existence is ever more often regulated by a moment of blinding clarity. This morning, in the midst of a vexing “numbers” problem it was – I am at peace with myself, truly! The more youthful angst of trying to impress, of being your outer shell and not your inner soul, of being the bouquet garni and not the stock have been relegated to a dusty corner (yes dusty – would you ever!)
For now – self-belief, serenity and harmony are the building blocks of the future and I honestly don’t give a rodents nether regions about the rest.
“I am what I am and what I am needs no excuses” – Gloria Gaynor
from Bob Thaves, the creator of http://frankandernest.com/ – “Remember Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels”.Loubbotin’s – I can dream
It has “inspired” me in a funny old way to believe that women are capable of greatness in any sphere, no matter the odds and obstacle course crafted by old school business thinking.
Perambulating to the office this morning, it led me to ponder other bits of sage advice and “life lessons” that I have garnered over the years. Mum said – if the label says dry-clean only, believe it (she was right, it took me a while to get it). My dad taught me to dance/love music and that knowing and loving sport if you’re a girl is quite acceptable and will probably help with boys (right again) 😉 . As a couple they taught me that I deserve the very best that life has to offer and that settling for less is really a waste of time. Heartbreak taught me to trust my inner voice. Relationships taught me that even “nice” people can be really mean at times – it’s up to you how you deal with the problem and how much you’re prepared to put up with. I’ve learned to lock away the sadness and not let it rule my existence.
Age taught me that being comfortable with yourself is paramount –
“Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect . It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.” – Anon
That said, age has also slapped me around the head with the fact that I can still be afraid (even at my 40plus years) and there will be times when being alone in the dark is quite a scary thing. I’ve learnt that having a backbone and an opinion is a good thing and that glass ceilings are there to be broken through. I’ve learnt the fabulosness of true friendship and how rare it is.
Perhaps the most useful nugget that I’ve gleaned is not 18 carat in nature but the fact that just because I do things differently doesn’t make my way better or worse, it just makes me who I am.